Lessons on Writing

(Badly) Well...

These days its to hard to actually write well, its no fun to write a pure, solid brick of bad... however we can derive some(alot of) satisfaction from writing badly well. Joel Stickly demonstrates how. Some of my favorites from his blog:

-Try to convey more in stage directions than is physically possible-

SUSAN: (PERSPICUOUSLY) I wonder where Alan could have got to?

NIGEL: (LUCIDLY) Oh, I wouldn’t worry about him if I were you.

ENTER ALAN, WHO HAS JUST UNDERGONE A PROFOUNDLY MOVING RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE, CAUSING HIM TO SEE THE NATURE OF THE UNIVERSE UNFILTERED BY EMOTION OR DESIRE.

ALAN: Hi.

SUSAN: (INCONGRUOUSLY) Alan! There you are!

NIGEL: (SUBTLY INQUISITIVE, YET MAINTAINING AN AIR OF EXAMINED SANGFROID) Hi Alan.

ALAN BRIEFY CONSIDERS HOW BEST TO SHARE HIS NEWFOUND CLARITY OF PURPOSE WITH HIS FRIENDS, BEFORE REACHING THE CONCLUSION THAT THEY MUST EACH FOLLOW THEIR OWN PATH AND SEEK THEIR OWN TRUTH.

ALAN: Hi.

another gem..

-Write thinly-veiled, self-aggrandising autobiographical fiction-

Joe Stockley paced the floor of his office and cursed under his breath. Dammit, he thought, why am I such a brilliant writer that no-one ever understands the depth and complexity of my work? It’s almost as if I’m the only real person in the world and all the other people are just automatons! No, that can’t be (he thought). Can it...?

Just then, he was interrupted by the ringing of his top of the range iPhone 3GS (32GB).

‘Hello?’ he said, his voice booming with a timbre which was capable of simultaneously charming his many admirers and intimidating any who dared oppose him.

‘Hello Joe,’ a mellifluous voice came floating back. ‘It’s your loving wife here.’

‘Hello, my beautiful-beyond-compare, talented and intelligent wife,’ said Joe, his laughter reverberating around the expensive fixtures and fittings of his luxurious house.